friend of the grummles!

19, they/them or fae/faer, lesbian. pls do not follow this blog if u are a minor

about
dni/byf
my tags
uwu
blogs

Posts tagged death mention:

i think i'll just stay up all night to make sure i don't die


animal death, violence, dreams

(more like a nightmare, incredibly freaky so don't read if u don't wanna be freaked out)


i had the creepiest dream last night

so it started with the point of view being like,, in the air and not from a person's perspective. so like a movie

and at the start of it there were 2 animals, but they could speak and act like humans, a horse and a fox. they sort of got along but they also fought "playfully" a lot. it might've been more real fighting for one of them than the other

and how they fought was,, they'd sort of argue playfully and the fox would throw knives at the horse

also they were coworkers in like an office or something and they did this on their breaks

so the dream saw them fighting, and the fox threw knives at the horse but none of them hit

but then the dream switched perspective, and i was in a house in the woods, it was from my perspective now. i think my family (but i had a different family in the dream) bought the house, but then somebody was telling us tales of the surrounding area

so that person told us one tale, that happened many years ago, of how a fox and a horse were soulmates, and supposed to fall in love. but they had a habit of play fighting, arguing playfully and then actually fighting, where the fox would throw knives at the horse but never meant for them to hit. but one day one of the knives did hit the horse, it's not clear if it was on purpose or an accident, and the horse died there, and that's where the body was said to lie

and this allegedly happened in a small depression in the ground in the woods surrounding the house, but of course there was no evidence of it in the woods so most people didn't believe it

so the person telling the tales told us where it had allegedly happened, and i decided to go to that area alone

a terrible idea

i got there, and there was a fallen and mossy log going across the depression, so of course i got on the log and started going across, carefully balancing

and i was just a kid in this dream

but when i got to the middle of the log, there was something that terrified me, something sitting in a hammock-like thing, that was tied to the log

there was a horse there, eyes wide open, wider than they should be. it stared at me but didn't move, i thought it might have been dead

but then the head and neck moved slightly, to the side, and then back, and then forward, and back

i began freaking out and thought, "but you should be dead! why are you moving?!"

but the horse wasn't even supposed to be there

then i recalled that the person had said the fox had died there too, possibly because they missed the horse so much, and wanted to stay with their dearest friend

so i frantically looked around for a fox, but couldn't see any

i felt so much fear in this moment

but then the dream switched to me playing minecraft with a bunch of kids, as if my mind realized it had gone a bit too far with that nightmare and needed to give me a break. but i still felt fear even after i woke up


ok so i found the document of the story based on my dream where i got adopted by vampires and i

why did i make it so sad (cw: death, severe homophobia, suicide)

(but this is just a summary)

so first of all, at the start of the story it's like a flashback from a time when the main character's father is still alive and the main character is just a kid. and in this flashback he's saying goodbye to her bc he's flying to britain for a cousin's funeral (but isn't bringing her with him bc in this story apparently britain is a very bad place for kids?? i didn't have much reason for this at the time of writing it but the main character's mother is native and she takes after her so uh. that could be a reason)

oh and for this to make sense u must know: main char's mother died when she was very young (i feel so bad for this now)

so the main char is saying goodbye to her dad (he's planning on coming back, but it's just a long trip so it would be a while) but also. the dad's best friend is also there, bc the friend is the one who's going to take care of main char

but here's the thing: the friend is in love with main char's dad. he has been for a while, but main char's dad still isn't over his dead wife. the friend did confess to him but since he was still grieving (and possibly straight) they only stayed close friends (and became very close, but didn't become lovers or anything like that)

but ok. when the dad got in the taxi to go to the airport (this story has modern electric stuff but it takes elements from the past. but it's based in a future/present without the use of fossil fuels) and the taxi started leaving, a car sped by and crashed into it. so the dad died. and then months later the friend killed himself bc of grief from losing his best friend and the love of his life

so the main character got taken in by the friend's sister. who is rich and was in need of an heir anyway bc she'd never married (this rich woman is aroace but doesn't know it yet). and she treats her well, but she's raising the main character to be a proper lady, which main char really doesn't enjoy

also, the main character becomes very close to her maid (who is about the same age as her) and they bond over being gay basically (maid is lesbian, main char is bi) but like. in a friend way. they aren't gay for each other they just both love woman and basically joke about annoying straight ppl

so then one day,,, when main char is 18 i think? she goes to a high society ball with her guardian and meets some new people

one of them being sapphire, she's a sweet girl who loves bows and doesn't know she's a lesbian yet. i had a set age for her at this point in the story but i'm not sure where all the references are now for the characters in this story, so i'm going to say she's about 16. she's very pale, has blue eyes (which is an excuse for her to be named sapphire, bc sapphire sounds like sappho), and blond hair. she takes after her mother, who looks much like her. but sapphire's father is a person of colour (i don't remember if i decided his exact ethnicity, bc i hadn't decided a lot of those details for this story yet) and her older brother takes after him

ok so,, saph's older brother is like 19 at this point. and he's gay but in the closet for reasons

and main char ends up dancing with saph's older brother (his name's oscar). and then after they dance the two of them go outside for some fresh air. so they're alone now in the gardens, and they have a touching moment which starts out as a panic for main char bc the way he starts out makes it seem like he's going to propose to her

but no, he's just giving her a necklace with a rainbow inside. bc somehow he knew she was gay (oh yeah i remember why, he saw her eyeing all the ladies) and he reveals that he is also gay. (and she whispers under her breath that she's actually bi, but he doesn't hear her). and he asks if they can make a pact, which basically just means be friends and be there for each other, bc he hasn't met any other gay ppl besides his uncle (oh yeah i'll talk abt that in a second) and he desperately needs somebody like him to be friends with so he's not alone

he also reveals, that once when he was a kid his father's brother came to visit and he hadn't been there for a while. so he was very happy to see his brother, but then the brother reveals that he's gay, and oscar's dad gets angry and tells him to leave. and then oscar's dad tells his kids some harsh words, basically tells them don't be gay. but after that happened oscar snuck outside before his uncle left and talked to him. his uncle basically told him it's ok to be gay

actually, here's an excerpt of what he said bc i still like it

"Don’t listen to what your father says about boys liking boys, it’s perfectly okay to like the same gender. There are just some people in this world who want everyone to be exactly like them, no exceptions. You will need to hide this from the community for a while, but someday things will change in your favour. You’ll be an adult eventually and have the ability to leave this place to find people who will accept you. Even before that you may meet one or more people who are like you. Boys who like boys, girls who like girls, and people who like both or neither. And even more unique persons. If you find someone like this and are sure of it, they could be your allies. It is these people who you most likely can trust. You can confide in them, and stick together. You can help each other through the struggles."

so ok,, back to the scene with main char

so they agree to be friends, allies. but also, oscar's mother is very sick and things aren't looking too good for her. so main character and oscar bond over mother problems as well

and then later on during the ball, main char gets asked out to the Vampire Festival, which is a yearly thing, where adults in this high society go to show off extravagant vampire-inspired outfits (but by vampire-inspired i mean that loosely. one of the ppl is literally going as the sun bc the sun hurts vampires). and the guy who asked her, she isn't really interested in, but she said yes bc it's very close to the festival and she doesn't want her guardian to be upset with her for not having a date

anyway, back to the ball. i had designed a few outfits (dresses and suits) for the characters in this story but i'm not sure where those are now. but i hadn't actually gotten as far as writing the chapter where the ball takes place. and i had it planned, that during the festival some vampires would be watching and feel hateful towards it, bc they feel like they're being made fun of. so they kidnap main char out of spite and take her into their vampire colony in a bunch of caves

and i actually had it written somewhere just how the vampires got cursed

but oh right! these vampires are like knock-off versions of real vampires, bc one time a goddess got very angry at a village (i think they stole something from her or insulted her) and she cursed them to turn into mosquitoes in the moonlight, but then when the sun comes up they turn back into humans. i'm not sure about other details, like how long they live or how strong they are as mosquitoes (but i think they're indestructable in that form?) or how they feel about sunlight

but main char is supposed to end up being friends with the vampires, and the endgame plan was for her to end up in a polyamorous relationship with a guy and a gal

there are things about this story that i love, but if i go back to it i'm definitely rewriting it. for one thing, some paragraphs are so long i can't even read them (i wrote this around the time i read lotr, so yeah long paragraphs). and another thing, a lot of things in this story suck or are too sad for me, or they just don't make sense. and if i rewrite it, i'm going to change it back to how my dream was, in that the main char befriends the vampires before they kidnap her. bc i like that better


y'all,,, (stardew valley talk)

so in stardew valley, since your character seems to have directly been given the letter from their grandfather, your character has probably visited stardew valley before and at least some of the people there would have met your character when they were a child

i don't remember if there's any reference to whether or not anyone knew your character? but it seems like a lot of them at least have never met you? or maybe they just don't remember? but some of them would have moved in before you got there, i think

so i'm just thinking, some of them at least would probably remember you from when you were just a child. but it seems like, after your grandfather passed away, you didn't visit stardew valley at all. maybe it hurt too much to think about the place? maybe seeing the people there would have reminded you too much of your grandfather?


when i see the selfies of hot butches on tumblr i die


not for the faint of heart (talk of death)


im a pretty healthy person but i honestly have no idea how long i'll live or when or how i'll die, so i want to make sure my life is as fun as possible, and i also want to protect my land and my people. im likely to live a long life but i could die any day from anything, there's no way of knowing. i want to enjoy this life for as long as i have it

im not too afraid of the thought of my own death someday, it's natural. i can't control my death, but i can control my life, so i want to live life to the fullest while also helping other people to live good lives. i want to be happy and make other people happy too!!!

this is also just partly why i want to get into dating as soon as possible. i don't know when i'll die, i could die any day, and i don't want to die without having felt what passion is like. i know it's most likely that i'll live a long happy life but if i die young i don't want to die without even having my first kiss and everything else


washing the blood out of clothes in a fancy hotel suite bathroom makes me feel like im a well-off assassin hiding the evidence in the place my assassin employer paid for


anxiety

i swallowed a fish bone. how long do i have to live

i only felt the sharpness for a second and then it was gone


tiddywife reblogged mcatnip
tiddywife -

true intimacy is when you crochet or knit using one end of a ball of yarn while somebody else uses the other end


mcatnip -

when you meet in the middle you have to fight


tiddywife -

it's like that romance trope where 2 ppl are eating spaghetti and they end up eating the same noodle and they kiss or almost kiss, but in this case you fight to the death for that last bit of yarn


The Sims Ask Meme!

abbyarchive-deactivated-2020FebSat-200201050224-631 -

  1. What is the first sims game you ever played?
  2. What is the first expansion, game or stuff pack you ever played?
  3. What is your favourite sims game?
  4. What is your least favourite sims game?
  5. What is your favourite expansion, game or stuff pack?
  6. What is your least favourite expansion, game or stuff pack?
  7. What is your favourite world?
  8. What is your least favourite world?
  9. Who is your favourite NPC?
  10. Who is your least favourite NPC?
  11. Who was your first sim?
  12. Who is your latest sim?
  13. Who is your favourite sim?
  14. Have you ever done a sims challenge?
  15. Do you prefer cats or dogs?
  16. Do you prefer babies, toddlers, children, teens, young adults, adults, or elders?
  17. Do you prefer vampires, aliens, or mermaids?
  18. Do you prefer plant sims, or the possessed sims?
  19. Do you prefer creating sims, building homes, or playing with your sims?
  20. What is the most creative way you have killed a sim be honest we have all done it no need to be ashamed.
  21. Do you have any unanswered questions about the sims?
  22. Which career do you like the most?
  23. Post your favourite sims screenshot!
  24. Do you use CC?
  25. How big is your CC folder?
  26. What is your favourite CC?
  27. If you were a sim, what traits would you have?
  28. If you were a sim, what would your aspiration be?
  29. If you were a sim, what world would you live in?
  30. How long have you been playing the sims?

Next